Things that you don’t learn in school – Emotional Intelligence

Contributed by VP Hui Hui

Last weekend, our club members had a fellowship activity in Rotaractor Lloyd’s to play a game called Cash flow quadrant invented by Hawaiian born Robert Kiyosaki, author of the ‘Rich Dad, Poor Dad’ bestsellers series. After spending three solid hours in the game, I realized that I have been spending money in the unnecessary places and investing it in the wrong channels.

I did not know the concept of passive income until friends (especially Rotarian Patrick) shared with me this concept. I am an accountant by profession. I should possess skills like effective money management. But still, and heck, what do I know about managing my money?

Before the book ‘Rich Dad Poor Dad’ became a best seller (and propelled Robert K to fame), I was introduced to a book titled also by Robert Kiyosaki ‘If you want to be rich and happy, don’t go to school’. Now it makes sense. The author was trying to deliver the message to Americans telling them don’t get caught chasing the American dream (go to an Ivy League school, graduate and get a well paid job with long working hours hoping to climb corporate ladder and earn lots of money to purchase big houses, big cars) or they will end up getting broke and in debt by age of 60.

School here refers to a formal education up to Form Five, Form Six and then basic/honors and masters degree in university. All of us spent our childhood and teenage stages studying essential skills to live and survive. Actually, are we applying what we learn in school when we start our adulthood? I remembered I spent my school days cramming up facts and figures on accounting standards for the dreaded exams that never seem to end. And this game got me thinking; I never actually learn essential skills in school like personal financial planning and other skills as well such as:

Soft skills which is communication skills. Example: Speaking out for the right reasons (please refer to Rotaractor Tracy’s article – Speak Out).
Emotional intelligence.
How to be a better husband or wife

The list goes on. In this article, I will touch about emotional intelligence as this had proven useful to me in my everyday life.

What is emotional intelligence (EI)? I had extracted from my company’s e-learning system Edvisor which I am taking an exam to pass it (It is rather lengthy, please take time to digest)

Emotional intelligence sometimes refers to as social intelligence refers to ability to recognize and analyse your own emotions and the emotions of those around you. You observe your own emotions and find strategies of handling and channeling in a service of a goal.

You also take perspective of others for being sensitive to their feelings and concerns and appreciating the differences on how people feel about things.

Emotional intelligence (EI) encompasses the following characteristics and abilities.

Knowing your emotions
Managing your emotions
Motivating yourself
Recognizing and understanding other people’s emotions
Managing relationships by managing emotions of others.

Emotional intelligence is intended to help to improve your relationships and your own self awareness. Emotional intelligence can be increased by being more conscious of your choices.

How EI can be useful? Below are the typical day scenarios we had to face sometimes:

Scenario 1

You came in to office feeling happy and cheerful after an enjoyable weekend. You sat with your colleague in the next door cubicle and realized she is in a foul mood and does not want to talk to you.

What would you do? Will you back off and leave her alone, thinking she may need time alone? Or will you feel angry and think ‘What I have done wrong? Why she is cold towards me?’

Scenario 2

Husband walks into a room and finds his wife quiet and frowning. He asked ‘What’s wrong, honey?” She answers “Nothing. Why are you so concern?” Will you as a man feel worried, angry, hurt or thinking ‘Oh my God she is having a (Premenstrual Syndrome) PMS mood again’.

If a person is lack of emotional intelligence, he or she will easily get hurt, easily be affected by the bad mood or vibes, emotional, always angry, has high unreasonable expectations on how others should behave and ended hating others for not emotionally fulfilling their needs.

There is saying says that being happy is contagious. It spreads around fast. Bad mood is contagious too. It can affect us any time. The key point of being emotionally intelligent is to assess and recognize that anyone can have bad moods once in a while. Even my dog has bad mood days too. The key point is not to take it personally and communicate effectively to the person concerned. (And try not to scream and shout)

To communicate effectively, I will always assess the mood of the person so that I can filter my thoughts and compose my words before speaking. And, knowing this will help you to approach a person at a right time and right place (especially your boss).

What makes a person respected and well liked? It is not having lots of money or high IQ (strings of university degrees) but someone who has abundance of emotional intelligence.

There is a classic joke in my toastmaster club that I would like to share. In a toastmaster club, you have the opportunity to obtain speech awards after completing some speech assignments from basic level to the highest (distinguished) level.

First level: Competent Toastmaster award (CTM) – need to complete 10 speeches-beginners level

Joke: If you achieved a CTM, meaning = Cannot Talk Much
(The first few speech assignments can be nerve wrecking for new members or beginners, always a struggle for them before reaching the advanced level)

Advanced Level: Advance Toastmasters-Bronze, Silver and Gold (ATM).

Joke: If you complete an ATM, meaning you are labeled ‘Always Talk Much’ (it makes sense, as members have to talk more to achieve the three advanced level awards)

The highest recognition level a member can achieved from Toastmasters International is:

Distinguished Toastmaster (DTM), meaning = Don’t Talk Much
(That is where you have to shut your mouth and speak out only for the right reasons.)

Being emotionally intelligent and able to communicate effectively goes hand in hand.
I had learned that tremendously from the working world. To me it is a survival skill besides swimming and cooking.

What the world would be today if we are not emotionally intelligent?

Interesting fact: The first time a woman from Iran competed in the Olympics was in 1996.