Happy Belated Mother’s Day

Contributed by President Toh Harnniann

I was on my way to Klang Sessions Court when I heard this show on radio asking the audience to send in their dedication which will be read out by the DJs on mother’s day.

“Oh, it’s mother’s day again” I thought. Suddenly I was reminded of my experience almost 5 years ago.

It was year 2001, the year I came back from UK. Then I had the opportunity to join Tzu Chi Buddhist Merits Society (Teregganu branch) for their community service activities. My mother was (and still is) very active in Tzu Chi so whenever they had any activities I would tag along.

Tzu Chi visited one state-run old folks home in Bukit Besi (about 1 1/2 hour drive from Kuala Terengganu) every 3 months.

The first time I went there with Tzu Chi was during the Mid Autumn Festival (or moon cake festival). We brought lanterns, Chinese tea and moon cakes to celebrate with the old folks there. There was one particular old lady whom I will never forget, even till now. In this article I will call her “Ah Ma” (grandmother in Hokkien).

Ah Ma was in her early 80s. Her hair had turned silver and she wore thick glasses. Ah Ma was very cheerful and smiled a lot.

My mother instructed me to cut the moon cakes and gave Ah Ma one small slice. I placed one tiny slice of the moon cake (we had to cut the moon cake into very small pieces to avoid choking) on plastic plate and handed the plate over to Ah Ma.

She saw me and smiled. She spoke in fluent Cantonese, “No need to give me, give it to others. I will be here just a short while. My son will take me home very soon. I am here just to make friends.” I hesitated for a while. She smiled again then took my plate and passed it to another old lady sitting next to her.

We went home after cleaning the hall.

Three months later, we came again. She was still there in the old folks’ home. I was puzzled “wasn’t her son supposed to bring her back?” I asked my mother about it. My mum told me that her son will never come to pick her up, he just gave her hope that he will be coming soon.

I noticed that this time Ah Ma was not so cheerful anymore. She had become quiet and passive. We brought some cakes for the old folks. This time, I volunteered to serve the cake on her.

She didn’t look at my eyes. She just stared at the cakes. After a short while, she took the cake and held it. This time she didn’t pass the cake to the one sitting beside her. She just held it firmly in her palm.

I think reality had set in. She had realized and accepted that she will be there for a very long time, so she “needed” the cake. She could no longer afford to pass the cake to others as she was not much different from the one sitting next to her: all shared the same faith.

I didn’t go back for the third time as my CLP course had started.

The story of Ah Ma had slowly faded from my memory until the end of last year when my mother told me that Ah Ma had passed away. She never got the chance to leave the old folks’ home. She died there, 4 years after she was placed there by the son: under the impression that the son will take her home very soon.

I found out that the son never visited her throughout these 4 years. But he did claim her body for burial.

Just imagine this: you put your mum in the old folks’ home, lying to her that she will just be there for a short while to make friends and you will take her back very soon. Thereafter you move on with your life totally forgetting about your mum. You wait until you receive phonecall from the home folks’ home that your mum has passed away. Then the only filial piety you show is to claim back your mum’s body and give her a decent funeral.

My heart sinks every time I thought about this old lady.

I sincerely wish that no mother will suffer the same faith as hers.

Happy Belated Mother’s Day!