I could have done better
The above is one of the worst things to be said to oneself. It implies that you did not try your best, there were things you knew you could have improved but nevertheless you failed to do so.
What could be more terrible than knowing very well that things were within your reach but you simply failed to put in extra miles to get it?
When I was a student, things were much straightforward. Efforts could be easily measured. How many hours you revise your exercise books per day? How much time you spend in the library doing research? What kind of grades you get? The questions that you answered wrongly in exams, were you able to answer them correctly had you spent extra time on revision or paid more attention in class?
But now since I am no longer in the educational system, things become wide and uncertain. You can never be too sure whether what you are doing now is actually the best thing to do. Or the way you are doing it is the best way to do it.
I see many job seekers, after finishing university, they simply send out CVs or resumes to companies. It is like shooting blindly at the tree tops then wait and see whether any bird drops dead.
Once you are hired, you start the normal routine of a working class without asking too much question. After all wasn’t that what we were taught in school? Get great grades, look for jobs, work hard, feed yourself, and then think about how to take care of your loved ones and community.
How many of us really say, “wait a minute, why am I here? Why am I making phone calls to strangers and asking for money due and owing to my boss? Why am I calculating and analyzing the company’s past years’ accounts and performance? Do I really enjoy what I am doing? Is this really what I had hoped for all this while? Or am I doing it because I have no choice?”
Do I have a choice? Is this the right choice? Or maybe I could have done something better?
Or am I just thinking too much? Maybe I should just bury my head and continue with whatever I am doing, take whatever that comes along and learn to live with it.
Life seems a lot easier when you don’t question it. But is that the life you want?
Labels: Opinion